An Alternate/True Reality

Imagine you are a mom, married to your best friend and love of your life. You finish up cleaning the kitchen after putting your child to bed. Soon you yourself crawls into bed next to your husband. You think about the reading you need to do with your daughter for school the next day and practicing riding her new bike. You peacefully fall asleep. BAM! you are startled awake with jolts of electricity coursing through you. You’re sweaty but have the chills and have trouble catching your breath. How did that happen so quickly? you look at the clock. you’ve been asleep for hours. You lay your head back down when Bam! you are jolted again and it is no mistake you are having short simple partial seizures. As you lay there thinking of what this will mean, another seizure hits, more intensly. you wait it out, clutching your blanket, and putting your face in your pillow so you wont scream out and wake up your daughter or husband. You go into “project solve as many problems as I can before this epilepsy takes me away” and you grab your phone. you know your husband has to get up soon for work. you text as many people in your support system you can think of telling them you are having seizures and could they help with your daughter. It is 3am. You know none of them will read it until later but by then you probably wont be able to use the phone any longer. you text ur husband that you are having seizures. you don’t want to wake him since he has to get up at 430am anyway for work. you have another seizure. holding your blanket around you, you stumble down the stairs and organize all your daughters meals and snacks for the next day as if in a buffet across the table. all things you can get herself. then you take your medicine, your rescue medicine. you settle on the couch and turn the tv on and things around you spin a little bit. your seizures continue….in clusters now very intense. you think of happy things. you put on happy comedies on demand. you start to sleep for awhile. you awaken again at 7am and your daughter is standing over you asking questions. sounds faraway. you tell her its a seizure day and point to the food. you look at your phone. one of your friends has responded and can watch your daughter that day. you tell her she is having a playdate to make it sound special and fun. your friend comes later on and picks her up. your husband will pick her up from your friends house. you fall back asleep. when you awaken again it is 1130. you are confused. is it am or pm? what day is it? it is dark out. you stumble upstairs and see your husband asleep in your bed and your daughter asleep in hers. you lay down next to your husband. he wakes up and asks how you are feeling. you say “what happened?” he says he picked up your daughter and your friends house at 4pm, came home and made dinner read with her and put her to bed. you slept through it all. you didn’t get to read or go bike riding with your daughter today. you see on your phone texting conversations that don’t make sense from earlier and phone calls you cant remember. you realize you haven’t eaten a thing all day. you don’t have an appetite either. the seizures are gone but in their place exhaustion remains. your muscles and bones and joints hurts from the constant shaking. you will probably need to rest again which is frustrating b/c you can’t wait to make up for the things you weren’t able to do that day.

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